Walking the Fire

When I was a crazy nineteen year old I took a workshop on overcoming fear. The culminating event of the class was a firewalk. We spent the day going back and forth between tending the fire and having the class about fear. One of the things they talked about was how fear stands for Friendly Emotions Announcing Risk. We discussed how the goal was not to stop feeling fear, but to learn what to do with it when you do experience it. By thinking of it as friendly emotions announcing risk, we change our attitude about it and turn it into a situation we can do something about, instead of being controlled by it.

When it finally came time to walk the fire, we stood in a circle around the burning coals singing a song with these words:

Oh, Great Spirit

Earth, wind, sky, and sea

You are inside

And all around me

Throughout the day we had gone around the fire and practiced a mantra to prepare ourselves mentally for walking the fire. The mantra was, “When I take my first step, my body will do whatever it takes to protect itself.” We said this mantra over and over again. The bed of burning coals was about five steps across and there was a bucket of water at the end. We were told that we couldn’t walk too fast or we would get burned and we couldn’t walk too slow or we would get burned. We were supposed to just walk a normal pace and once we got through, step in the bucket of water before rejoining the circle. We were also told that not everyone would walk the fire but they would not determine for us who would do it, we would.

The routine was that we would stand in the circle singing our song and whoever felt drawn to walk the fire would go to the head of the fire and ask the fire in their mind if they have permission to walk the fire. If they felt that the answer was yes then they would say the mantra in their mind over and over again until they felt it was time and they would go for it. If they asked the fire for permission to walk and they felt uncertain about it they were supposed to rejoin the circle and not cross the fire. We were there until well after midnight, giving everyone who desired to the opportunity to walk. It was quite magical, standing there in the dark around the glowing, burning coals, singing together as many people approached the fire and made that choice of whether to walk or not. It took great bravery to walk, and it took even greater bravery to listen when you were told no and return to the circle.

The moment came when I felt that it was my turn. I approached the fire, shaking a bit inside. I asked if I had permission to walk. I felt that it was completely up to me, either way would be right for me. I looked at the burning coals and felt a twinge of fear, took a deep breath, said my mantra multiple times, then walked across the coals. When I reached the bucket, I felt like I was flying! I was so invigorated! I was so full of life! I felt like nothing was impossible to me! I was literally on a high for three days!

As I drove home the soft skin under my toes felt like they were burning. When I got home and was able to inspect my feet, I found several tiny blisters under my toes. When I showed them to my dad he said they were so small they couldn’t really be counted as a burn. :) He was in awe that the entire bottom of my feet weren’t burned! I knew that the blisters were tiny but they definitely hurt. As I reflected on my experience I realized that I needed the experience and lesson of being burned to gain the understanding that I was not invincible and that even though life does sometimes burn us, we can still make it through and find something better on the other side.

I have reflected many times over the years on that experience. For a long time I had the attitude that if I could walk on fire I could do anything! It felt great!

Unfortunately, I can look back on my life and see many times when I allowed fear to control me. A couple of times fear has even paralyzed me. But what has gotten me through those fear-ridden times was a knowledge that there was a greater power than me that was watching over me, the support of those around me, and me making the choice to take the first step and keep on moving from there. So many times I have not known what was beyond the step I was currently taking but God has always given me ground to land on and helped guide the direction of my steps.

When I left my marriage every moment was filled with fear. What would he do when he realized I wasn’t coming back? How would I provide for my children? How would I make rent payments when I was self-employed and never knew from day to day how much money I was going to make? Would I be able to feed my children? Would I be able to keep them safe? What was everyone going to think of me? I would lay awake at night, filled with fear, not knowing how we were going to make it for even one more day. But I knew that God was watching over me and guiding my path. I knew there were a select few people who would stand by me no matter what. I knew that no matter how terrified I became I was going to get up each day, go to work, and do everything in my power to take care of my kids.

I no longer live in a state of constant fear. I still feel fear but it is different now. When I feel fear I try to remind myself that it is just friendly emotion announcing risk. I just have to weigh whether the risk is worth it or not. I have found that more often than not, the risk is worth it. :)

Is fear holding you back from something you desire in your life?