As I lay with my seven year old tonight putting her to bed,
I prayed for her. She has had such a challenging life, so full of pain and fear.
For a couple of years she was plagued by horrible nightmares that woke her
multiple times a night. She would do everything in her power to keep herself
awake, telling me that she couldn’t close her eyes because of what she would
see if she did.
A few months ago we started a new routine for getting her to
sleep. She refused to lie down, and still does, unless I lay with her. So one
night I asked her what she wanted to dream about. She said it wouldn’t matter
what she wanted to dream about because it would always be scary. I insisted
that she tell me something happy that she wanted to dream about. She did, and
has almost every night since. She rarely has nightmares anymore. Instead of
going to bed in fear, creating and inviting the scary dreams, she is going to
bed in hope, wishing for unicorns and dolphins to play with her in her dreams.
Tonight she seems extra unsettled, worried about the future.
Her sleep seems restless as she is coughing and tossing and turning. As I
prayed for my daughter while putting her to bed tonight, I asked for her to be
disconnected from the future and connected to Christ, being wrapped in His
robes of love. When I said those words, the thought immediately came into my
mind, “Why don’t you ask for this for yourself?” My sleep has been very
unsettled for a very long time. I get only a few hours of sleep a night. At
times I feel like I am nothing more than a zombie, going through the motions of
life. I readily seek for God’s help for my children but I think that sometimes
I forget that I can ask for the same things for myself.
How often, being in the role of protector, do I take care of
others but don’t take care of myself? I see many people do this exact thing.
Every aspect of my life involves taking care of other people. At home I am a
mother, caring, by myself, for four young children. At work I am a massage
therapist, caring for everyone who walks through the office doors. Other than
my children climbing on me and an occasional hug or handshake, I haven’t been
touched in years. When giving massages I sometimes wonder what it even feels
like to get one. The last massage I had was before I was pregnant with my four
year old. I have been working on finding ways to nourish myself but I feel that
I don’t do enough in this area of life. I need to get a massage!
The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself. That means
that it is just as important for me to think about me, not in a selfish way,
but in a nourishing, loving way. If I give all that I have and all that I am,
there will be nothing left of me, nothing left to offer. I have to be
constantly filling myself back up. So what I learned about myself today is that
I really need to be thinking more about taking care of myself and asking for
what I need. I need to go to bed in hope, not fear. And I need to trust that
God cares just as much about me as he does for my children.
What do you think about before you fall asleep?
No comments:
Post a Comment