Relationships

I have been contemplating relationships today. Relationships with children, parents, siblings, significant others, friends. I wonder why some relationships are easy and others are so much more difficult. Growing up I had only a few problems with relationships. There were only a couple of people that I struggled with. I wasn’t one of those people who had love/hate relationships with friends. I got along with most everybody.

Since my divorce, my relationships with people has changed drastically. As things got nasty throughout the divorce I pulled away from most people that I had known while being married. I had people who had once been friendly to me turn their backs on me. I think most of that was because people just simply didn’t know how to respond. I found myself inwardly questioning every person that was in my life. What was their purpose in my life? Could they be trusted? Did I need to be superficial or could I share how I truly was doing? For the most part, other than my sister that lives nearby, I pulled away from everyone in my life.

Now that I am in the process of trying to be more engaged in life and have relationships again, I feel very nervous about the whole process. How do I set boundaries? How do I know how much of myself to reveal? How do I know who to trust? How do I stay true to myself and who I want to be no matter what? What is it I really want from friendships and relationships?

I think that the number one thing that I need in the relationships I have is respect. I need to know that the people around me respect who I am and that I have an opinion. I don’t need everyone to agree with me, I just need people to not try to change who I am to match what they want me to be. In my marriage I would be asked for my opinion and, if I would give one, would be lectured on why my opinion was wrong and that I really should think a different way. I really don’t want anyone in my life who feels that they need to change or control me. I only want God to tell me how I should change and who I should be.

I am not totally sure how to implement this in my life. I think the biggest thing is to make sure I continue to learn about myself and stay strong in who I am. I cannot allow a friend or a significant other to influence me to give up my true self. In my marriage I gave up my will to my husband. I gave up my identity to become what he shaped me to be. The true Amy not only got lost, but began to die. That is not something I am willing to experience again. I would rather be alone and friendless than do that. Luckily, I have some really amazing friends right now that would never treat me that way. Hopefully, as I continue to learn and grow, my friendships will only strengthen and my relationships will be beneficial to all involved.

Are you staying true to yourself in your relationships?