Compromise vs Collaboration

Whenever disagreements arose in my marriage, I was told that I needed to compromise. The very mention of the word compromise would immediately cause me to shut down emotionally. I never really understood my reaction until I heard a story that demonstrated perfectly my feelings about compromise.

Winter was coming and a man needed a winter coat. He decided to go hunting for a bear to make a coat out of. At the same time a bear was hungry. He decided to go hunting for something to eat. The two met in the woods and felt that the other was the answer to his problem. They sat down together to discuss their individual problems: the man needed a coat and the bear needed food. They felt that compromise would solve their issue, so they came up with a plan that appeared to fit both of their needs. In the end, the bear was no longer hungry and the man no longer had a need for a coat.

This story shows how in a compromise, though both parties needs appear to be met, someone always loses. Throughout my marriage I was told over and over again how I needed to compromise and every time I felt that I was like the man in the story; I was eaten by the bear. I believe there is a better way.

When I think about being in a relationship, I see myself and my children in a world of our creation and a man in his world. In a relationship of compromise, either I have to leave my world to enter the man's world, or the man has to leave his world to enter my world. I believe, or hope, that it is possible to instead use collaboration. I would like to believe we can bring the best of both our worlds and create something new together. (insert Disney song, "A Whole New World") Through good communication, mutual respect, and unselfish love two people should be able to come together and create a relationship that is fulfilling and beneficial to all involved. That is my hope and desire, to find someone who is willing to work hand in hand to create a whole new world.

How collaboration looks in a relationship:

Winter was coming and a man needed a winter coat. He decided to go hunting for a bear to make a coat out of. At the same time a bear was hungry. He decided to go hunting for something to eat. The two met in the woods and felt that the other was the answer to his problem. They sat down together to discuss their individual problems: the man was cold and the bear was hungry. They felt that each party had skills that could aid in fulfilling the other party's needs so they came up with a plan that appeared to fit both their needs. The man had skills in fishing and gathering berries so he could help feed the bear whenever he was hungry. The bear had nice, warm fur so he could shelter the man in times of cold. In the end, a friendship was formed that allowed each party to live a happy, productive life.

Are there any words in your life that cause you to shut down and not hear others?