Routines and Change

Oftentimes, routine can be a comfort, the one thing in life that you have control over, something you can depend on. But there is also a danger in routine. People have asked me why I stayed in an abusive relationship for as long as I did. If it was so bad then wouldn’t I have left sooner? Even though it was painful and difficult to be in the relationship, it was my routine. It was comfortable because it was predictable. If I left then I had no idea what life would be like. I knew what my basic day to day life would be in the relationship but leaving meant the unknown. Leaving meant having to find a new routine and that is scary. Changing a routine can feel so terrifying that it stops many people from moving forward.

 When my children and I finally got out on our own there were “routines” that I didn’t realize we had been participating in. There was the routine of losing total control of all emotions when doing homework or sitting down to a meal together. There was the routine of the children not recognizing me as an authority figure. There was the routine of not accepting help even when it was desperately needed. It took a long time to recognize and stop many of these negative routines. Some of them are still being worked on.

My family had to work very hard to re-pattern and change the things we no longer wanted to be a part of our lives. It seemed a never ending process. Luckily, with help from trusted family and friends, we were able to create a new life and work towards healing. I don’t believe that this process will ever truly end in this lifetime.

When I woke up yesterday morning I was contemplating, praying, meditating on my life and the things that I have been experiencing. It feels as if my family and I have discovered another danger to routines; we have become stuck in a rut. We found a routine that works for us, even though it is not ideal, and we repeat it day after day, week after week. I was praying about how I feel so ready for change and would like some direction on how to move forward.

As I lay in bed with these thoughts, I saw a scene in my mind’s eye. I saw a large banquet table, filled with all sorts of amazing food of every variety that could be imagined. I saw myself approach the table, fill my plate with a couple of things, then walk away to eat what I chose. A little while later I returned to the table and filled my plate with the exact same food as before and left to eat it. Again I returned to the table and filled my plate with the same food, nothing varying.

The thought then came to me that the table is full of a large variety of amazing food that I don’t even have to go looking for; it is all there before me. I just need to stop returning to the same spot on the table. All I needed to do was move a foot down and would have a whole new experience.

I am not one hundred percent certain how to fully integrate this realization into my life, but I do see that this particular rut is definitely self-made. I can easily change up our routine, spent our time differently, try new foods, go for walks, eat dinner outside, or many other, easy to do, things that will make life more interesting for all of us. The question I need to ask myself is: am I so comfortable in our routine that I will continue with it each day? Or am I to the point that the desire for change outweighs the fear of doing something different? I guess only time will tell.

Do you have routines in your life that are no longer serving you?