Light

I recently had a dream where I was driving on a freeway in a foreign country during the night and my headlights didn't work. The only lights my car had were the parking lights. Other cars were whizzing by and I pulled over to the side of the road to try to figure out what to do. I didn't speak the language of the country so didn't feel like I could ask for help and I didn't know how to get to where I was going. I was feeling very frustrated when I woke up and the thought came to me, "I don't have headlights but I do have some light. I just need to keep moving forward the best I can until it gets lighter outside and I can see better."

As I have reflected on this dream it has been very apparent that this represents how I feel with my life right now. Over the last few years I have been able to keep the overall attitude that things will get better, that life is better now than it was before even though it is extremely difficult. I have had small bouts of depression but overall have been able to keep going. The last couple of months have been different. The depression is becoming more common and I am struggling to see that things will ever improve. It feels as if I am driving in a foreign country in the dark with no headlights.

The thing that struck me the most in that dream was that even though I didn't have headlights, I did have the parking lights; I wasn't completely in the dark. I have clung to that thought over the last few weeks. I may not be able to see as well as I would like, but I can still see. Also, when other cars came by, their headlights would illuminate the way; I didn't have to rely completely on my own light.

So my thoughts have now turned to, "how do I get through the dark night and is there a way to make my light brighter?" The answer has come in the form of a scripture.

John 8:12 KJV says: Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

I am now working to more fully allow the light of Christ to illuminate my path. I have always tried to do that, but now I am making it a more conscious thought. The struggles of life are not going to go away, but I can have hope through Christ.

I love the song, "Lead, Kindly Light." I often cling to the words during tough times. The words are:

1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th' encircling gloom;
    Lead thou me on!
    The night is dark, and I am far from home;
    Lead thou me on!
    Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
    The distant scene - one step enough for me.

2. I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou
    Shouldst lead me on.
    I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
    Lead thou me on!
    I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
    Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

3. So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
    Will lead me on
    O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
    The night is gone.
    And with the morn those angel faces smile,
    Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

I don't have to see the whole path in order to keep moving. I just need to realize that as long as I have faith and hope in Christ that He will keep me going.