Friday, November 6, 2015

A Voice

When I first left my marriage I had no confidence. In fact, I was absolutely terrified. The whole process of leaving felt as if I would die just from the terror of taking my children and leaving my home. That was when my sister told me a phrase that carried me through that time of life. She told me to be as strong as a lion yet calm as a summer breeze. Those words have stayed with me ever since that time, now over three and a half years ago. It became my mantra.

After my kids would be asleep I would often go in the bathroom to cry. In those moments I would hear my sister's voice reminding me, strong as a lion, calm as a summer breeze. It gave me strength and purpose. It helped me to realize that strength did not come from anger. Strength came from a calm assurance that I was doing what God wanted me to do. The lion has been slowly awakening within my soul, becoming part of who I am.

One of the struggles I have had to overcome through all this is feeling like my opinion doesn't matter, like my voice has no value. It is essential for all people everywhere to understand that they are important, that they have something to contribute, that they have a voice. People who experience abuse of any kind often shut down their truth in order to "not make waves" and keep themselves "safe." I have been learning that as long as I remember my sister's words that I can express myself safely. Removing anger from my voice allows me to leave behind the dragon's voice and be strong and confident in who I am.

We all have a story to tell. We all have our own experiences. I hope that what I am learning from my experiences can help others who have similar pain so they can find hope. Life is hard but God is good. He allows every one of us our agency to choose how we treat each other but he always provides a way to heal, not only from what we have done, but especially from what has been done to us.



A Voice
By Amy Tiare

The dragon’s voice
Spitting fire, spreading venom
Controlling, hurting
Overpowering my voice ‘til my voice no longer speaks
Have to appease the dragon
Wanting to be safe
Even the voice of a mouse can be too loud
‘Cause then the dragon can find me
So I leave
Find a new home away from the dragon
But the dragon’s words still find me
In the darkness of the night
In the quiet moments of the day
The dragon’s words still control
I try to speak, to rebuke the dragon
But there is no sound
There is no will
Only fear
Seeking
Digging within for the hidden words
A voice suddenly emerges
But not the voice I wanted
It is the dragon’s voice
Vicious, bitter, angry
No!!!!!
This is the voice I left
The voice I feared
But where do I run?
Where do I turn?
It comes from within
Confused, hurt
Surrendering
An image comes to mind
A lion stands
Bold, strong, true
The gentle summer’s breeze blowing his mane
His mouth opens and deep from within a sound is heard
Not mean or angry or vicious
But bold, strong, confident, fearless, powerful
As the sound intensifies
Something happens within me
From a very deep place, a very deep feeling
Reverberating, growing
The sound comes from my toes
Gathering strength and intensity
Travelling throughout my whole being until I can’t hold it back any longer
A roar
A roar like no other
Strong and bold as a lion
Yet calm as a summer’s breeze
My voice
My identity
Rebuking the dragon
Taking back what was once mine
Establishing boundaries
Speaking my truth
Standing in strength
Standing in peace
Coming alive
I have a voice

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