Celebration

 March 5, 2022 was a very significant day for me. It was the ten year anniversary of when I took my children and we moved into a domestic violence shelter called Safe Passage. That day was full of fear, uncertainty, and loss. To me it seemed as if the rest of the world ceased to exist and all that was left was me and my fear. Looking back, the decision to make a change in my life and the lives of my children was the most important thing I could have done for my family. The last ten years have been painful and many nights I laid awake at night wondering if we would ever live to see the day that we wouldn't be in constant fear. But today I stand as a witness that there is hope, there is help, there is joy to be found in life.

To celebrate the day, my sisters and I took a trip down to the greater Cincinnati area to go to the Ohio River. It was a beautiful evening, in the 60's, the wind blowing, and peaceful.

We had previously gathered rocks and written on them the things that we wanted to release from the past, the negative messages that held us back, and false beliefs that kept us from living life fully. My pile was quite large. :)

In that lovely setting, with the support of my sisters, I began to throw my rocks into the river.

Each rock that was thrown felt like a weight being lifted off of my soul. I read each rock before throwing it and watched as it skipped across the water and sank into the moving current to be washed, cleansed, and recycled. Those negative messages that have held me back and kept me from expressing my true self in this world were cast away from my soul and released. The final rock had a different message. "I am free."

As I released that final rock, I felt lifted, I felt open, I felt peace. How grateful I am to have such amazing sisters that they would share in that experience with me. Who would write on their own rocks and throw them into the river along side of me. Who supported me and held me through the most difficult as well as the most wonderful experiences I have been through. Their love is unconditional.

One of the rocks had contained the words, "fear of not being noticed." Ironically a different rock said, "fear of being noticed." ;) I often wonder if people see me or if I make a difference. 

As we climbed up from the riverfront and went up onto the pathway, I saw some missionaries from our church. I called out, "Hi elders!" They stopped and smiled, probably glad that someone knew what they were. Then the most unexpected thing happened. One of the elders looked at me and said, "You're Sister..." I thought he must be mistaking me for someone else. We lived an hour away from this place. He couldn't know me. Then he continued, "You're Sister Tiare! You probably don't remember me but I used to serve in the Lawrenceburg Ward." I was stunned! This random elder that I hadn't seen or spoken to in months remembered me! He remembered my name! He remembered doing a zoom call with me and my family and he remembered my children. As we walked away one sister said, "there are no coincidences," and the other said, "that was a God sighting." 

The message I received that night was that I am important. I am seen. I am loved.

And that is worth celebrating.