By Small and Simple Things

 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

Alma 37:6-7

 

In 1948 a child was born. The hospital in which she was born had a scale that started at three pounds. When this baby was placed on the scale to be weighed, she didn’t even register. Not having a different way to get an accurate weight, they decided to put her weight down as three pounds. At that time, it was rare for a baby that small to survive but, despite the odds, she began to grow. Could someone so small and helpless make a difference in this world? Could someone placed in such a challenging beginning overcome the hurdles of life and make something of herself?

Every person born on this earth has their own set of experiences. We all have challenges and choices and only we can determine how we get through it all. This particular child was given a very painful set of experiences as she began to make her way through life. Though life sometimes stunted her growth, it wasn’t able to snuff her out. She kept moving forward, kept progressing, kept learning, and eventually became my mom.

I remember listening to Mom tell stories about the places she had lived while growing up. Her dad was in the Air Force so they moved a lot. I loved to listen to her stories about when she worked in Seattle, or the trouble she got into when they lived in Japan, or how she joined our church while living with her brother in Alaska. When I was growing up, I had a fear that I wouldn’t have any neat stories to tell my children like the stories my mom told me. I told her this once and she laughed. She said she had never done anything with her life. How could I think she had? So, I reminded her of the stories she had told me and she became thoughtful and said, “I never thought much about those things. I was just living.”

Mom never achieved a large physical stature. She was only five foot two and a half inches. She never really thought much about herself. She felt that Dad was successful and her children successful, but never really thought that of herself. I felt differently than her. I struggled in my relationship with my mom for a long time but there were many great things that she accomplished and that she taught me.

Mom experienced a tremendous amount of abuse in her early childhood and as a result suffered a lot with depression. Even with the depression there were certain things that she always made sure to do for us kids. Mom made dinner every single night. No matter what, we had a family dinner. She had a thing about not wanting her food to be cold so she figured out how to time all of her food to get done at the same time so we could eat it hot. I was always impressed by that. Mom went to every single sporting event or musical event that any of us kids had. With seven children that is a lot. There were times that I got a bit frustrated because at my basketball games she would be reading a book, but she was there.

Every single day when I got home from school, she was home waiting for me. When I was young, she would often be in the kitchen. As I became a teenager her depression was worse so I had to go to her bedroom to find her, but she always welcomed me in and she would always be reading. She loved reading Louis L’Amour books. She read every single one of them multiple times. Because of that, I wanted to read Louis L’Amour and developed a love for reading.

Even though I struggled in my relationship with her, I cared a lot about what my mom thought of me. When I was ten years old, I had a secret desire to become an opera singer. I had heard some opera and thought it beautiful so would dream about being able to sing like that. One day I overheard Mom talking about how she couldn’t stand opera. My little heart was crushed so I hid that desire deep inside because I didn’t want to do something that my mom wouldn’t support me in. Years later I told her about that and she felt so bad. She said she would have supported anything I chose to do, even if it was singing opera.

I often joke with my sisters that all three of us had different moms. I’m the middle girl, with one sister seven years older and one four years younger. There are also four boys older than me. I think we each experienced a different part of Mom. With me, Mom very much encouraged me to live my life and follow my dreams. One time when I was fifteen, one of my brothers wanted me to go with him to Belize to do volunteer work. I became obsessed with the idea and my mom agreed that I could go. She wanted me to experience whatever I felt drawn to do. My brother ended up deciding not to go so I wasn’t able to go, but the process made a big impact on me. I knew my mom trusted me and supported what I wanted to do.

The older I got the more health problems mom had. She almost died a couple of times from pancreatitis and seemed to have more and more pain the older she became. She was diagnosed with diabetes when I was ten and fibromyalgia, among other things, as I got older. Her health problems caused us to seek for additional help beyond western medicine. Because of how much she suffered, I found my career path in helping people with chronic pain through massage therapy, my older sister became a holistic nurse, and my dad went back to college in his fifties to become an acupuncturist. We found our paths because of what she suffered.

Mom expressed to me that she didn’t feel like she made a difference in this world. She always felt that she didn’t have anything to offer. I think that there is a hidden desire in each of us to make a positive and lasting difference in this world. I think of the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, and wonder what we would see if each of us could experience what the world would be like if we hadn’t been in it. Did our life, our existence, make any difference? Mom wondered that a lot. I know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her so I am grateful that she lived. I wouldn’t have my career if it wasn’t for her struggles, so I am grateful for what she had to endure. I wouldn’t be the mom I am today if it wasn’t for her example, love, and support that I received from her.

Today it has been a year since she passed away in her sleep. My heart aches with grief and sadness. I want her to know that, even though it was a hard life, I am so grateful that she chose to live. Even though I didn’t always appreciate her, I am grateful for all she taught me. Even though she wasn’t sure that she was important, her time here made a positive impact on those around her.

That very small baby born in 1948 ended up bringing seven children into the world who then had thirty-four grandchildren. Now there is a great-grandchild. This all came about because of one small person who chose to fight, who chose to live. “By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.” The world is a better place because of my mom.