Funny, how people are. They can sit in their position and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do based on the 5% of your life they can see.
It hurts when people you have known and developed what you thought was a close relationship suddenly turn away when they see you in the grocery store. Or the ones you confided in telling you to keep silent, don’t tell anyone what is going on because it can cause a division among friends. Or the comments about how if it had really been that bad then why did you stay so long? Like you just woke up one day and decided that making up stories of a hellish marriage would be fun and would give you an excuse to be single. Because being a single mom, raising four challenging kids, working to support them, and taking care of a house alone is such a desirable alternative to marriage.
I was told to not make a scene, don’t defend yourself because that causes contention, be quiet. So I slipped away, changed my name so there wouldn’t be an association with the ex, made sure to never say anything disparaging to the children about their dad, and tried to move on. Rumors were started immediately, judgements were harshly passed, “friends” turned their backs, and no one asked if what they were hearing was true, they just believed. I thought that surely five years of friendship and observing my personality would cause people to think twice about the rumors that showed a person very different than the one they had come to know but human nature is a finicky thing.
Divorce shows you who your true friends are.
Now, eight years later, I look back and see from a different perspective. In the marriage I became weaker, more beaten down as the years went on. In the eight years since I left I have become stronger, more full of life. The trials of marriage nearly snuffed out my life. The trials of the last eight years have given me purpose, given me understanding, given me faith and courage. In the marriage my head hung lower each day where now, most days, my head is high. I am overcoming the pain of the past and becoming a better person.
For awhile I wrote frequently in my blog, then because of some issues I went silent. But silence doesn’t always equate to being silenced. Being silent can give a person time to reflect, gather strength, and refuel. Being silent does not always mean being speechless.
There are so many voices and opinions in the world. I’m coming to realize that the only opinion I need to worry about is God’s. The only approval I need is God’s. The silence is coming to an end.
It is okay to talk not only about healing but also about what caused the pain in the first place. We don’t have to hide the parts of ourselves that aren’t perfect. It’s time to be true to the path that God has called me on. It’s time to open my mouth and speak. We all experience pain and suffering but society has told us to pretend like everything is okay. Everything is not okay. We should not dwell on the negative but we also shouldn’t pretend it doesn’t exist. I have no desire to dig up issues from the past or make other people suffer. I only want to stop allowing other people’s fears to keep me from living. I want to stop allowing other people’s judgments from ruling my decisions.
For me, stagnation means death. If I am the same today as I was yesterday then I am doing something wrong. It is time to live life differently. It is time to speak.
This link is to a song from the live action movie of Aladdin. This song really touched me when I first heard it. It is called Speechless.
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